I walked with a friend and colleague of mine today for 25 minutes in the courtyard. It was a nice, brisk pace, still optimal for conversation. The air was crisp, but not so cold that I needed my jacket. I had brought my running shoes to work, and they felt comfortable and light on my feet. And just as we were ending our walk, miniscule snowflakes, barely perceptible, unless you slowed down to concentrate on seeing them, had begun to fall. It's amazing how a simple short bout of exercise and some exposure to the fresh-aired world outside of work can cause you to return to your cubicle feeling so energized. I must do more of that. What a great way to stay healthy, possibly lose some weight and improve my outlook.

The oddest thing happened today.

I awakened from a dream about trying to contact my best friend, Irene, a friend I've known since we met as 9-year-olds in Orlando, camping with our families.

The dream was kind of sad, however, because I was dialing her as if I knew how to reach her, and I realized that I did not know her number. I put down the phone.

Then, I woke up. I told Tim all about our friendship and how we'd been through so much together. I began to cry. I told him that I would find her today, somehow, even if I had to try all of the old numbers I had for her and try searches all over the Web; there had to be a way.

And then it was like the Universe opened up for me. I had a hunch about searching her up on MySpace. I had my cup of coffee in my hand, and I was chatting with Tim who was now up and checking his email on his PC. I almost dropped the cup, because there on MySpace (dated Nov. 27, but I hadn't seen it, because it's not a site I regularly log on to) was a message in my inbox that read, "It's Irene. I've found you. Please call me," or something to that effect, and there was her current phone number.

Now, to appreciate the eerie tone of this event, you must know that we have not heard from one another or even kept up with one another for about 7 years, I'd say. We've missed so many things from one another's lives. She is literally a second sister to me. I am still in shock.

I am going to call her and hear her voice for the first time in a long time in just a few moments.

I do believe in synchronicity. That is for sure.

"There's something about seeing the progress you've made toward your goal that takes you to the next level in terms of your effort, ideas, beliefs, and confidence that you normally wouldn't have gotten had you not recorded the progress you've been making.

Take the time to record any progress you've been making, big or small, through any means necessary whether they be through writing, photographs, video, audio recordings, etc.

Progress breeds progress, especially when it gets recorded."

-- Brian Kim

I've been a reading fiend lately, blogging mostly at my new book blog, Observed in Books, and getting a lot of pages read. The combination of keeping a blog and tying it in with my reading is really working to keep me on track, tackling my reading list with zeal. Usually, I'll read a few pages of one book, then lose interest, then a few of another, lose interest and so on... But this year and in 2008, I'm holding myself to the goal of reading and writing a few paragraphs either during or after I read each work.

I like to record what quotes or chapters really meant something to me, what I learned from reading the book, and my reactions to certain characters or occurrences in the story. Reading books and contemplating them, especially afterward, sparks me to examine how I personally relate to what I read, to ask myself why I read it, or why I may have picked up a certain title at a certain time, when it seems to relate to something going on in my daily life.

Plus, it's a good excuse to keep me writing, and choosing one of my favorite hobbies and subjects helps keep that goal in motion.

Reading, as well as being entertaining and a good source of knowledge, also helps to train the writer in good ways to tell a tale. Many successful authors will usually tell you two things that contributed to their attainment of published novels -- that they put in the hard work of sitting down to write each and every day, before they knew the book deals were going to happen; and that they always took the time to keep reading. I'm hoping one day I can dole out that same kind of advice myself.

This morning I got out of and then returned to bed, because I still felt exhausted, even after seven hours of sleep. I had been up reading online what the news media is reporting on global warming and how Arctic sea ice and ice at the poles are melting faster than had previously been predicted. I guess it had an impact on me, because it figured heavily into a dream where I found myself standing on a suburban neighborhood street in total darkness. All of the other residents of this community were standing in the street around me, and the air seemed tinged with expectation and uncertainty. Strangely enough, although I was standing on Planet Earth, I could also see it from where I stood, far away, lit up -- the same view you see in photos taken from space, but with deeper, fluorescent tones to it, like a gigantic Christmas ornament blazing in the ether. Most of what I saw became vague in my mind as soon as I awakened, but I remember seeing fire somewhere and hearing a lot of noise -- it was either coming from burning buildings or from meteors entering the atmosphere. Something global was on the verge of occurring. I knew that much.

I recall being among strangers, in their home. I saw strangely colored birds with electric blue and white feathers outside next to an old white van the people owned. These creatures appeared to be from another planet. Then, I noticed that the small children of the strangers I was with had their faces painted and feathers pasted on, to make their faces appear very similar to the birds' faces. The birds and the kids stood right beside one another.

I remember thinking that Tim would worry about me. I had to hurry home soon. Then, I relaxed, smiled and thought 'oh, yeah, no worries. I can stay as long as I want, because this is not reality; it's only a dream.'

It was at this point that I began to get the sensation that since I was dreaming, I had all control over my environment. I suddenly wondered why I was just standing there in this broad, spacious green field, when I could fly. Then, as quickly as I thought about flying, I was in the air, soaring into it with a rush, using only my body, mind and soul to propel myself. Sadly, I'm still not very accomplished at lucid dreaming. It just occurs spontaneously now and then. So I was only able to hold myself in flight for a few moments; but, oh, what a feeling of exhilaration and freedom.

Just as I had made a few attempts at this, I awakened. I'd definitely like to experience more of these types of dreams.

I absolutely love the music group Blue October. I saw them in concert this past summer in Washington, DC, and they rock even harder in person. They blew my mind.

Here is their new video for their song, Calling You.

Watch. Enjoy.

I love food, especially gourmet dishes (which, well, I can't admit to ever having known how to cook for myself, but I'll sure shell out some money for a good meal). I'm having a hard time lately, gorging on large portions and doing a lot of evening eating in front of the TV or computer.

For some reason -- not sure why -- I only struggle with eating when I'm in relationships. When I'm single, I naturally stay slimmer without thinking about it, and I don't seem to have these problems (that's not to say I'd EVER give up the happiness I have with Tim now to go back there again).

The holidays are especially trying, however. I've so far put on five pounds in the past few weeks! I'm depressed whenever I pass a Victoria's Secret shop in the mall. I don't dare stick so much as my left toe inside the storefront. I'm ashamed and embarrassed, feeling like a lesser version of who I was just six months ago. It's definitely not doing wonders for the self-esteem, or at least body confidence.

This is not who I want to be, hiding in oversized tee-shirts or sweaters. And I refuse to buy larger sizes of jeans.

I maintain a regular schedule of working out with a personal trainer, and I don't mind being active, but it's the food intake that's got to change -- if I'm ever to have any success. It feels nearly impossible for me to forego a frothy latte or cup of eggnog or cocoa and choose, say a relatively bland (in comparison) cup of tea, especially during the holidays. All I seem to want are comfort foods. I also think much of it is emotionally-based eating, even though while I'm doing it, I'm not sure what feelings brought me to that point, except maybe boredom. I'm fairly calm and happy lately, so why do I keep eating when I know I'm already full!?

I know my weight gain also comes from hitting the restaurants a lot or ordering in pizza and wings and eating more than my share, due to the busy schedules Tim and I keep (school, work, military duties and time spent at appointments and running household errands). We frequently play the "wouldn't it just be easier to order for pick-up or delivery" card.

I know too that I don't drink enough water, and that could be part of the problem. Often, I won't have more than a pint of water for three to four days, just vats of coffee in the hopes of invigorating my tired self for work.

The only veggies I even eat are the occasional banana, guacamole (on a burger, or with chips) or caesar salad. Yes, my diet is pretty pitiful, I think. When I discovered it hurt to button my largest pair of pants, size 10 brown corduroy, that solidified it for me. Beginning tonight, I am going to fight against my tendencies to nosh off and on before and after dinner and to eat large portions at dinner.

Tim and I flew out Tuesday to Branson, Missouri, (the Ozarks) to spend Thanksgiving with his parents. It's my first time to this area of the country. It's really beautiful, and I'm definitely not complaining about getting a break from the massive flow of traffic we're used to on the DC Beltway. I think both Tim and I are relieved to escape the daily grind and the gridlock. We both share the dream to move back toward the Midwest after a couple of years, maybe somewhere where the housing market is actually affordable.

Is it acceptable to just not go to college? There was a time when I cared, but now I'm fed up with the stops and starts, and I realize I don't even think I want it anymore. I've got a good job, and I am following my love in life, which is writing, and I just cannot force myself, at 35, to read books I don't care to read, and to write papers on topics I could care less about. I can't seem to make space in my mind for it.

I'm constantly learning every day through reading and writing and meeting new people, travel and asking questions, doing research on the Internet. There are topics of interest I am fascinated by, and so learning is innate for me; always has been. Ongoing education is a priority for me, but I just don't care anymore about going the traditional route.

However, I'm writing this in a society that looks down its nose at those who don't fritter away thousands upon thousands of dollars and years of their life in this academic pursuit, so they can have a high title to wield for it. Dare I even utter that among colleagues, and I might be flogged.

What do you think?

I feel so guilty lately, because I made the mistake of being so gung-ho about once again pursuing this goal, and now, halfway through this class I'm taking (for like the tenth time I'm beginning college again in my life), I want to withdraw and hang it up. But, Tim, wonderful man that he is, is pushing me to do well and really cares; but I just don't anymore.

Today I took The Dream Interpretation Quiz. 

My results were:

Losing Your Grip 

Be careful. Your quiz score reveals that you may be feeling powerless, anxious and totally out of control these days. Maybe you recently lost your job, or perhaps you're struggling with the loss of a loved one. Whatever your circumstances, you may be feeling like a human ping-pong ball, hit back and forth between problems that you can't influence or control. Your dreams may be trying to tell you that it's time for you to make a decision you've been putting off, or that you need to accept that you're going through a confusing time. So try to relax, take deep breaths and remember that this life phase will eventually pass.

In your case, you may want to try turning to your dreams for advice. Tonight, try asking yourself a question about a difficult issue you're dealing with, and allow your subconscious mind to answer it through your dreams. Just make sure that you have a pen and paper by your bed so you can easily record the dream. 

I finished one day of my drill weekend with the National Guard this afternoon, came home to unwind and decided it was a nice night for a walk.

I knew it was going to be a good day when Tim surprised me by waking up early with me this morning, suspiciously disappeared out of the apartment for a bit, as I was beginning work on my morning report, and then reappeared like magic around 6 a.m., Starbucks lattes and breakfast sandwiches in hand. He knows how to brighten my whole mood. He also bought me one of those cute stuffed pumpkins that Starbucks is selling lately, and I placed it next to my favorite part of the apartment, near my iMac.

Things got even better when he called me at work today to inform me that my iPhone, which had been out of commission for weeks (ever since I dropped it in the water) had seemingly repaired itself. I had thought it a goner, unsure if it could even be fixed. It hadn't looked too good the last time we tried starting it up. Today my box came from a company called iResq. I was to ship my iPhone in the box to this company, so they could determine what was wrong, or if the problem could even be fixed, and then quote me a price on the repairs. Tim said he decided to give it one last go, and the thing worked perfectly, good as new. It's amazing and wonderful to have my phone back. I do think it's been "iResurrected" from the dead.



Then, tonight, I watched as Tim put together his hot new computer system, a monstrously powerful one fit for a gamer with a mega-video card, etc. If you want technical specs, sorry -- you're not going to get them from me. I just know it's going to have killer graphics, be lightning fast (Intel Core 2 Quad, 4GB RAM) and has over a terabyte of hard drive space. After watching him work on this machine tonight, I can understand why he'd never again buy an already assembled computer. If you already know there's total crap under the hood, why would you pay more than is necessary to get a Dodge Neon, when you could have a souped up BMW? If I ever stray from the Mac-O-Sphere, I would definitely do it that way. It looks simple as heck to put one of those together. I dabbled in the past with upgrading my RAM and installing different types of PCI cards in computers. I always felt very comfortable going that far with my skills. I've been taking electronics of one kind or another apart, exploring and putting them back together since I was a kid; so I think this will be a project I'd like to explore within this next year.

I used to jog, but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

-- David Lee Roth

Instead of being an ominous moment in my life, as I had always pictured turning 35 would be, it seems it's been the best catalyst for change!

Amazing things are afoot in Jen-land.

I will admit that it was Tim's support and him being a bit of a thorn in my side (which I asked him to be on some issues) that really contributed to me moving forward.

However, instead of ignoring everything that stresses me out, I have begun to set into play small actions that eventually will result in me achieving some major goals.

Firstly, I organized -- all of my paperwork and began throwing out clothing and shoes I knew I'd never wear. Tim and I took that over to the Goodwill drop-off point (the clothing, etc.), and we purchased a simple filing cabinet.

Secondly, I took all of my bills that were due, sat down and put them all into an electronic bill pay system with my bank, so I can stop forgetting to pay them on time. Being the computer guru I am, it will all be right in front of me on one screen, and I will no longer have to try to recall what's due and scramble to find the associated bill I need for an account or vendor. And, yes, even though I feared (which I later realized was more a fear created in my own mind than based in reality) talking to the credit card company for the bill that is six months overdue, the one I was terrified to face, I did it! Now I'm on a payment plan, and they were actually very cordial and very willing to work with me. I don't know why I waited so long.

Also, we put my budget -- my expenses, my income -- all on a spreadsheet, and I'm ashamed, truly ashamed I never looked at it in this way before. Instead, I received my paycheck, spent here, spent there, and only ensured I had enough to last until the next one. WOW, what a difference. I now know that I am fully capable of paying off my bills, possibly being debt-free in ONE YEAR!!! Then, I can even begin to save toward having a buffer in my account for a rainy day, just in case. And, maybe even eventually, begin my retirement savings plan.

Things are really looking up. I continue to have the best relationship ever with a wonderful man. Again, because of his support, I am back in college, this time, hopefully to stay. I continue to work out at least twice a week with my personal trainer and then some on my own during the rest of the week. I am in this area of the country that is still very new to me, with so many things to do, events to attend, etc. I still love my job. The list just goes on.

Today I added one more action toward my goals to become healthier and happier. I went to a Weight Watchers meeting. Alas, although the meeting was inspiring and the speaker warm and informative, and although I enjoyed the supportive environment, I had a run-in with a rude receptionist. I literally left in tears. Long story. And then, the center did not even stock the very basic tools -- called starter kits -- that we new members wanted to buy, since we were all pepped up from the talk we'd been given.

I opted not to abandon the concept entirely, seeing that the points system and the tips given to the Weight Watchers members are very solid and could be just what I need to effect change with my weight. I only need to lose 16 pounds. But then I need to be able to keep it off. I came home and signed up for their eTools online instead of going the traditional meetings route. I do hope this will still work for me from a virtual standpoint. Hopefully the support I'll find on the message boards will be almost as good as the real deal. I guess I could always go to a center a few miles further than this local one. I am very sad and disappointed. I really did not expect to get that kind of treatment, especially at a place that preaches such positivity. Oh well, life goes on, and I will keep moving forward.

I'm pretty excited about this new online service, Jott, that I just read out about, a free tool that on its website says, "Don't text and drive; use Jott instead."

I'm always up for the new and improved in the fight to help myself get organized, so I plan to test that out soon.

From what I read though, it's sometimes on par with the grammar quality of closed captioning, because there is a website called Misjott dedicated to the errors that end up being fairly humorous when read in text.

P.S. Jott is even a great tool to audioblog, if you use WordPress, Typepad, LiveJournal or Blogger as platforms, because Jott includes quick automatic setup for these popular services.